rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
