I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
