What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
