there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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