Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
50% drunk capacity currently
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
