proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
