She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize