Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
