Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
