I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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