The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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