i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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