Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
