and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
