I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
