i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
