ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
