Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
