Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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