dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
