so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
