i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
