My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
