i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
