Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
