i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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