I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize