All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
