I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
