i just had sex bonerless
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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