apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
