If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
