I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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