he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize