I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
