she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
