Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
