My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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