the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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