i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
