my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
