nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
