Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
