legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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