dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
