My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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