stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
