I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
God I need to hump something, right now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
