Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
