I will die if light touches me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
