Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
