omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize