why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
