My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
