In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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