i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
