I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
