i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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