today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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