I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
