Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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