What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
