And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize