my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What drink are we having for lunch?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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