Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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