I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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