Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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