Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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