I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
