This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
